I regret laughing at this conspiracy theory.

Hi! I’m Peter, CEO of Kickresume, and these career-related stories caught my attention this month — and might catch yours too.

I’m not a conspiracy theory guy. 

But I dabble…

Specifically in the harmless kind — the ones that live on r/lowstakesconspiracies (which is a subreddit dedicated entirely to theories that are so dumb, they just might be true).

Like that short form video content was invented by tobacco/gambling companies to give GenZ/Gen Alpha brain rot so they keep smoking/vaping/gambling. Or that Kanye West is purposefully crashing out so he can plead insanity.

And the other day, while scrolling through that subreddit, I came across one that stopped me mid-scroll:

“Return-to-office mandates are actually just a sneaky way to get people to quit.”

So I did what any unqualified internet detective would do and started pulling at the thread.

Turns out, this one doesn’t belong in the low-stakes pile. And worse, it may not even be in the “just a theory” pile. 

It’s not a layoff if you quit first

I’ll admit, when I first read the theory, it felt like a stretch. 

I mean, yes, companies have been pushing for people to come back to the office. But with the intention to make them quit? Why would a company go out of its way to lose employees? 

Turns out, it’s not that deep. Fewer employees = lower costs = more money. (Groundbreaking, I know.)

But okay — if that’s what they really want, why not just fire people? 

Oh right, money again.

If someone quits on their own, the company doesn’t have to pay their severance. And they also don’t have to deal with the bad PR that usually comes with mass layoffs.

Turns out this conspiracy theory has legs. 

And to my surprise, most companies aren’t even hiding it.

It all kicked off at Amazon in 2024, when they scrapped hybrid work and told everyone to come in five days a week (affecting about 12% of its workforce). 

When employees (reasonably) pushed back, Amazon Web Services CEO’s response was... enlightening: “That’s okay. There are other companies around.” 

Subtle.

Want less subtle? Look no further than Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, who predicted in their op-ed for the Wall Street Journal that their return-to-office mandate in DOGE would cause:

“A wave of voluntary terminations that we welcome.”

Love the honesty.

Uber is also calling its corporate employees back to the office at least three days a week… and the CEO, Dara Khosrowshahi, seems weirdly chill about people quitting over it. 

In a recent CNBC interview, he said: “People who work at Uber, they have lots of opportunities everywhere.”, “The good news is the job market is strong.”

Awww. So thoughtful and supportive.

And while there weren’t as many quotable zingers, Intel, IBM, and Dell also rolled out stricter RTO policies alongside job cuts — practically in the same breath.

At this point, let’s just call it what it is. 

Or better yet, let’s let the execs do it for us.

According to a BambooHR survey, 25% of VPs and C-suite leaders openly admitted they were hoping return-to-office mandates would trigger “voluntary turnover.”

So… is it still a conspiracy if they’re just saying it out loud?

Resignations of the fittest

The thing about good conspiracy theories is that there’s always a clear party that benefits (at least in the eyes of the conspirators, of course).

You know, usually it’s the lizard people who rule the world, or George Soros.

In this case, you’d think that it would be the companies. 

Except... that’s not really how it’s playing out. There are a few ways this plan can — and already has — backfired.

First, you can’t really control how many people quit. 

A company might have a number in mind for how many resignations they’d “welcome,” but the actual number can end up being (way) higher.

Just like in the case of Grindr. When the company revoked its remote work policy in 2023, nearly half the company resigned. Not exactly what they expected.

Or the opposite can happen — no one quits.

Which sounds fine, until you realize there isn’t enough office space to fit everyone (including all of the returning workers) in the office and the cost of running the office goes way up.

Second, you also can’t control who quits.

And spoiler: it’s rarely the people you were hoping for.

There’s actually a study which looked at the effects of the return-to-office policies at Apple, Microsoft, and SpaceX — and found that the people leaving were mostly senior employees.

Another study — this time looking at S&P 500 companies (aka the biggest and most important companies in the U.S.) — found the same thing: return-to-office mandates tend to drive out the most skilled and senior employees first.

Stanford University’s economist Nick Bloom even calls it “negative selection.”

And some companies are catching on.

Which is why, instead of risking the loss of their best people, they’re quietly... bending the rules.

But only for a select few, of course.

Some individuals, or even whole teams, become officially exempt from RTO policies. Or the managers just conveniently “forget” to enforce the policy when certain high-performers don’t show up.

Which, of course, creates an entirely new, internal problem: inequality.

I’m not getting into that, as you’d expect, morale takes a hit (and yes, there’s data to back that up).

So yeah. It is a plan. Just not a very smart one.

The reptilian elite doesn’t want you to read this

If you’re into conspiracy theories, I suggest going with this one over flat Earth. The evidence is all there. 

Okay, in all seriousness now…

This is usually the part where I offer some advice or a bit of optimism.

But if you’re trying to hang on to remote work, here’s the best I’ve got: Be really, really good at your job. 

That might be enough to get you an unofficial exemption. But fair warning: your colleagues might hate you for it.

And if you actually like being back in the office (or at least don’t mind it), then congrats — you’re safe.

That’s it. That’s the advice.

I don’t like it either.

I’m always impressed to see anyone scroll all the way down here. 

And since you’re one of those people, I’m not gonna let you go empty-handed.

This time it’s a 20% discount on any Kickresume Premium subscription. Simply download our mobile app. The discount is waiting for you there.

Catch you later!  

Peter